


TAKE ME DOWN ON MY KNEES (Do What You Please)

by R_ATIN



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Attempt at Humor, Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Kissing, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Face-Sitting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Mirror Sex, Mutual Pining, Porn, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Smut, Teasing, Vacation, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28129878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_ATIN/pseuds/R_ATIN
Summary: Ken and Josh hate each other's guts for hell knows how long, and the three other members have had enough. The two soon found themselves sharing a room, and a bed during their short winter break in Jeju Island; and Josh is certain it will be his worst vacation ever.
Relationships: Josh Cullen Santos/Felip Jhon Suson | Ken
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	TAKE ME DOWN ON MY KNEES (Do What You Please)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JOkerS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JOkerS/gifts).



> Disclaimer: ***COMMISSIONED FIC***
> 
> Hello! Hello!  
> It's been a while since I wrote a JoKen fic so I thank the gods of anal sex when I received a commission request for this. This was originally requested to be a 10k-word long fic and for some reason, I ended up completing it at 13k+ LMAO, making it my longest one-shot to date. It was really challenging to write this but after exactly 15 days from starting it, it's finally here! I'm proud of this work actually, I tried my best so I'm really hoping the JoKers, especially the requestor, will like this as much as I do.
> 
> So, some Author's Notes:  
> \- I used real names of locations found in Jeju Island, as well as food and liquor, but I've never been there, so my apologies for any inconsistencies.  
> \- This is canon-compliant.  
> \- Non proofed so again, apologies for the errors.
> 
> I'll try to be better, please be kind. Let me know your thoughts after reading pretty please?  
> BTW, I've turned off the commenting feature for the anons, because some of them are bullies. So if you wanna say something, you can QRT your feedback (yes I'll be tweeting this) or DM me. I'm nice, I promise!  
> Happy Holidays!

Josh is a very gentle human; his kind, brown eyes and soft features can prove it all outright. The lead rapper of P-Pop group SB19 is always calm and collected, strong-willed yet compassionate.

One can say that Josh has a heart of gold. It’s not every day that you come across a pretty-looking boy who randomly scratches cats’ ears on the streets, and names them Ming-Ming and Chi-Chi, yes? Helping the elderly cross the streets, and high-fiving every familiar face on the road are likewise constants in Josh’s daily morning routine on his way to work.

Josh believes he’s the definition of cool. That, aside from his obvious good looks, he knows he sets a great example to people. In simple words, he’s a _godsend_ , as he so casually says, with all due respect.

Whenever he gets angry, that which he believes is very rarely, he takes deep breaths and counts 1 to 10. Not a single instance in his lifetime has he or has ever wanted to hurt anyone—

_“I’m gonna fucking beat the shit out of you three.”_

Until today.

Perhaps it’d be cool if Josh throws in a punch by the count of 8? None among Sejun, Stell and Justin will expect that for sure. The idea seems appealing, especially when his brain willingly supplies him with a clear vision of Ken’s cocky, wonky-toothed grin who, by the way, is currently leaning by the door outside their modest hotel.

Nope, Josh can’t actually see Ken. Apart from the main dancer’s head of messy bronze hair peeking from the door screen, Josh holds nothing more than mere speculations.

In fact, the creature in question clearly has his head down on his phone, obviously geeking out again on his stupid Japanese anime. But Josh wasn’t born yesterday, he’s definitely not naïve. He’ll bet his monthly allowance that Ken’s definitely enjoying every second of Josh’s suffering because he’s nothing but an annoying ass.

And the thought makes Josh’s nostrils flare.

_“Josh,”_ Sejun starts with a frustrated grunt, rubbing his temples. _“This shouldn’t even be a problem. We’re all tired. Can we please NOT do this right now?”_

_“Oh, so now it’s MY fault?”_ Josh ogles at the leader in disbelief. Being the oldest one, Josh’s pride has been trampled upon, and he cries out in frustration. _“You three are obviously ganging up on me!”_

_“Oh sweet mother of_ — _,”_ Sejun stops mid-curse and exhales deeply, feeling a vein popping on his forehead. _“Nobody’s ganging up on you. Everything’s been settled fair and square and you know it!”_

Josh takes a little step back, recognizing that certain look of Sejun when one has pushed the leader to his limits. But in all honesty, it’s the least of his concerns, especially in this time of crisis where he inevitably has to protect his basic human rights.

The five of them arrived at their rented lodge in the outskirts of Jeju Island about half an hour ago, and much to everyone’s dismay, particularly Josh’s, the three bedrooms which they made reservations for had been unexpectedly reduced to just two. What even better timing for the electric floor heater of Josh’s designated bedroom to crash than now?

The oldest member is disappointed, albeit reasonably, but it’s some situation that he could let pass wholeheartedly. At least that was what he thought just before the group decided to entrust their bedroom assignment through their traditional “ _Maiba-taya_ ” (or in this case, _Maiba, roommates_ ).

And that was how Josh ended up sharing a room with Ken _; with Ken! Of all people._

It wasn’t as though the odds were high, given that there were only five of them after all. But Josh normally does end up victorious, more often than not. Then again, his good fortune seemed to have come to an end just when he needed it the most.

To further add insult to injury, the sexiest main dancer just grinned at the matter at hand and nonchalantly made his way outside, chilling (literally) and doting on his phone by the borderline-freezing porch, all the while Josh is throwing a fit in his behalf.

Frankly, the older man will appreciate it if he can at least get some mutual agreement from Ken for once, and probably help convince their three other members that having Josh and Ken share a room, let alone, a bed, is a very, very bad idea.

There’s no way in hell he’s sleeping with Ken, and Josh is keen on having his way no matter what the cost.

_“Stell,”_ whimpers Josh, turning his attention to the main vocalist in hopes that their decade-old friendship is his path to salvation. He makes his voice as small and as heartbreaking as possible. _“Ken’s your best pal. I’m sure he’s dying to share the room with you._

_“SHUT!”_ Sejun growls at the suggestion even before Stell can open his mouth. _“It’s not going to work. And bold of you to pressure MY boyfriend into staying somewhere else while I’m literally here?”_

_“Actually, Josh,”_ Justin mischievously chimes in with a soft voice as he elbows the rapper in the dip of his waist. “ _Now you can finally slit Ken’s throat while he sleeps. Won’t that be great?”_

_“Oh, believe me, I’d love to_ ”, the oldest rolls his eyes _.” So anyway, going back_ — _”_

_“No. No. No, and no,”_ Sejun snaps and crosses his arms across his chest dismissively. _“End of discussion.”_

_“How about you, Jah”_ Josh turns to his maknae, pleads desperately as he sees the tiniest spark of hope dwindle right before his eyes. “ _Please bunso? For your favorite Kuya?”_

_“You’re not my favorite Kuya”,_ Justin shrugs casually. _“Stell is.”_

Sejun gasps dramatically and places a palm over his chest, feigning hurt and disappointment at the declaration of betrayal of his maknae. _“Not me?”_

_“Don’t worry babe”,_ Stell coos as he wraps an arm on Sejun’s waist that makes Josh want to puke. “ _You’re my favorite boyfriend”._

If anything, Josh thinks that the three roommates seem to have entirely forgotten about him and his unnerving situation and his voice sounds so small in the thick of their noise. For some reason, the rapper turns to look over his shoulder where his gaze leads to the door, and what were the odds of him meeting Ken’s gaze fixed back at him with that stupid smirk marked across his stupid face?

_It’s over_. Josh thinks. His vacation is over even before it starts, and it makes him question his life choices. He’s been a nice person, the street cats can attest to that, and he’s sure as hell he wasn’t a horrible person in his past life too. Certainly, he hasn’t done anything wrong to deserve this.

_“Aargh!!!”_ Josh screams in frustration. _“You’re all fucking annoying!”_

And that was the last thing the four dumbfounded men hear from Josh as they watch him storm toward his and Ken’s bedroom, with his poor luggage furiously dragging along behind him.

♡

The room is atrocious.

When Ken slid the wooden door to their bedroom and casually walked in, he initially thought he got the wrong room, which would've been next to impossible given that the entire lodge only has four rooms, to begin with. But then, the room was in chaos, to say the least, that it looks much more like a storage room of sorts. Tons of shirts, sweaters, hoodies, socks, and underwear, and god knows what other stuff is all but strewn on all corners and on what Ken could only assume to be their shared bed.

One massive hard case luggage in bright orange, a sizeable electric blue knapsack, and a neon green carry-on are carelessly lying on the floor, flaps open and where all of its’ contents poured out here and there, effectively blocking what decent little space the room has for walking. Ken methodically chooses his steps to avoid tripping against the bag straps and whatnots, and successfully finds a spot on the mattress. He shakes his head at the mayhem they called room, wondering why Josh brought along his entire closet back home when as far as he can remember, they were only staying at Jeju for four days.

Speaking of which, where has his roommate gone to? Ken's pretty sure he saw him storming inside the room right after that little fit of temper he had with their friends. The rapper’s impossibly red face is still fresh in his memory, and Ken had to go outside by the porch and deal with the 4 degree-evening wind, gloveless at that, just to hide the stupid grin growing wide on his face as he listens to the oldest member’s protests. He smirks at the fact that Josh will rather throw him out in the streets and rot in the cold than have Ken set foot in the same room as his.

_Cute. Ugh, so utterly cute._

_"Ay putek!"_

Ken almost jumps when the bathroom door unceremoniously swings open, and out comes the subject of his musing, a little too absorbed in towel-drying his freshly washed face to even notice that Ken was already there. It wasn’t long before Josh is finished and finally acknowledges the other’s presence in the room, to which he only rolls his eyes. The younger merely snorts at the unwelcoming gesture.

After ten seconds of awkward silence between them, the older clears his throat and carefully tiptoes his way to the bed, and Ken can’t help but snoop at the noticeable mismatched socks adorning Josh’s adorably small feet.

_“What?”_ Josh’s eyes narrow suspiciously. _“Never seen mismatched socks before?”_

_“Nope. Never seen feet that small befo—ow! I kid! I kid!”_ Ken howls in pain when a weighty black pouch crisply whacks on the side of his arm twice.

Josh doesn’t seem to pay heed to Ken’s apparent call for surrender when he hits him a third time, and without warning, the pouch’s zipper comes undone, spilling out all the stuff inside. But Ken is more surprised at Josh’s terrified gasp and the panic that suddenly washes over the older man’s face, and Ken couldn’t help when his eyes begin to scan the things that fell out of the bag, and his mouth runs dry.

There were… _things_ , very _personal_ things.

_“Uhh,”_ Ken mumbles to himself as he absently picks up a matte, black-red-colored squeeze tube.

It’s what caught his attention the most, probably because it’s the larger object, resting in the middle of the pile of all the other smaller stuff. He lifts the tube to where the light can provide him with a better view, not that Ken doesn’t know what it was, and what it was for. But even before he can snap the lid open, because he wants to take a whiff just for the heck of it, the tube is immediately snatched from his hands.

_“Give me that!”_ Josh almost screams as he quickly pitches the tube inside the pocket of his sweatpants.

Josh’s hands begin to rummage everywhere like a madman, desperately trying to keep his intimate belongings out of Ken’s sight as though the younger hadn’t seen them all just a second ago. Frankly, Ken would have loved to help Josh, if only his brain can steer clear away from that item; _Raspberry lube._ Fucking raspberry lube.

_Raspberry huh?_ Ken thinks, and for some reason, the room suddenly feels ten degrees hotter. He sees Josh in his peripheral vision and knows that the older man is just as flustered as he is, probably even worse.

He can clearly hear Josh cursing under his breath as he finally moves to organize the clothes scattered across the room. Ken contemplates whether he should help, things will get done faster and he can lie down and rest maybe fifteen minutes earlier. But he stops and thinks it’s not a good idea at this point. So he patiently waits until Josh is done clearing up his mess, and by the time the rapper is done, Ken was too tired and sleepy to even unpack his stuff so he decides to just do it the following morning.

The younger didn’t even realize he’s already falling asleep, which was abruptly halted by the feeling of a plush cotton fabric brushing on the side of his arm. He reluctantly cracks an eye open and immediately frowns at the sight of a long and slender pillow being shoved into his side. He props up on his elbow and squints at Josh, which earns him a deadpan look and bored eyes from the older man.

_“Wha—“_ Ken starts, staring oddly at the column of pillows wedged in between him and his stubborn roommate. To be frank, Ken already has an idea but he asks it anyway. _“What’re you doing? What’s this?”_

There was a slight pause before Josh blurts out matter-of-factly. _“A fence.”_

Josh doesn’t wait for Ken’s response, nor any reaction from him, of course he doesn’t care, so he carries on with his little activity, ensuring his makeshift barrier is perfect and secure. The younger doesn’t talk, and Josh is too busy, so he doesn’t see it when Ken’s face completely falls into a crestfallen frown like a puppy and his shoulders drop. Of course, Josh doesn’t like him, which is why whatever it is he’s doing is only sensible, Ken deduces. He should have already been used to it by now. But why does it still make him sad nonetheless?

_“You really hate me,”_ murmurs Ken, and if he suddenly flinches with the words that just came out of his mouth, He doesn’t let Josh notice because he’s already beyond mortified. But Ken fails even on that part because Josh DOES notice and the older swiftly stops in his movements. He stops and leans just a tad bit closer rather expectantly. Even his breath hitched within his pipes, suddenly interested in whatever Ken has to say.

Subtly becoming aware of the silence and the eyes that he knows are fixed on him, the dancer all but fiddles in his spot with unease. He ponders whether he should speak some more. After all, he already said something embarrassing, albeit unplanned. But then he discovers he has nothing to save face for, since the older has already drawn his opinions about him since day one, back to when they were still trainees.

_“Do you really not want me here?”_

The bronze-haired voice is tender, too soft that Josh might have missed it if he wasn’t listening intently. He suddenly feels bad and ponders between looking at Ken and avoiding him altogether, but he looks at him anyway and he feels even worse, seeing the dejected look on the face of the boy he has grown to dislike for no apparent reason. Well, of course, there is, but even he hates to admit that his reasons are trivial, so to speak.

The smaller boy’s troubled thoughts take him back to five years ago at the studio where Ken has just joined SB19 and was a shy, shy boy from the South.

_That day, Josh pretty much just observed Stell and Ken exchanging banters and laughing like long, lost friends. It wasn’t something strange, given the fact that Stell definitely has his way in charming everyone. It had Josh thinking that maybe, he can somehow be close with the new kid too._

_The raven-haired boy took his time, watching how Ken smiles with his crooked teeth, and the sound of his laughter that was rather odd and precious at the same time; he wanted to hear it again._

_Thus, Josh tried to make his presence known as well, sitting down just a few inches beside the new boy whose hair was a little longer that time. Josh greeted him. He waited a little bit, a good ten seconds before his brows started curling in the middle because he heard absolutely nothing in return but dead air. Heck, he wasn’t even spared a glance?_

_Josh tried again, talking about anything, almost rambling, but he remained disregarded ever casually so. It’s a minute too late when Josh figured out that the younger had earphones on underneath the tufts of his hair, but still, surely he could see him? He wasn’t that small to be imperceptible, was he? Ken did apologize after that, but Josh was already annoyed._

_It also didn’t help that Josh kept seeing the younger male seemingly enjoying the other members’ company, laughing at their jokes, throwing in his humor now and then. But with Josh, he’s always quiet and reserved that made the older confused. Josh made sure he approached Ken without his usual RBF, plus he didn’t smell bad too. He even sprayed on his new cheap cologne he got from the neighboring sari-sari store. So what gives, exactly?_

_It went on for weeks, and months even, and Josh couldn’t contain his growing displeasure toward the younger, until even the pettiest of things that Ken did or said irked Josh so easily._

  1. _He didn’t like that Ken was forgetful, particularly during their dance routines. He tends to forget his own things and impedes everyone’s business every now and then._
  2. _He didn’t participate during meetings, if any; his mind always seemed to wander about and had this perpetual disinterested look on his face._
  3. _If the wonky-toothed guy wasn’t nerding out on his anime collection, he’d be belting out J-Rock songs that Josh didn’t quite understand at all. And Josh hated anything that he didn’t understand._
  4. _Ken seemed to have developed this habit of snapping random photos of them, and Josh hated how, unlike their other friends, he never once looked good in Ken’s shots._



_But the last straw was when Josh caught Ken at a bar once, where a statuesque brunette looking like a supermodel had her arms, and everything else, draping all over Ken. They were flirting right in front of his salad that had the smaller man fuming mad. They were not allowed to date, so it’s only logical that Josh got angry, knowing Ken would be getting them all in trouble, no doubt._

_Hence Josh, in his half-drunk state, lost it somehow and dragged the younger by the wrist outside the bar, and began lambasting him at an otherwise empty street. The only thing Ken caught on was that Josh called him a “perverted jerk”, and with good reason, the younger didn’t take it well. They didn’t talk for weeks after that._

_“Ken already apologized, or am I wrong?” Stell had asked him, obviously alarmed at the mounting tension between the two members; although Ken already seemed to be progressing in his moving on stages, almost back to his usual unperturbed state, unlike the older._

_“He did,” replied Josh lazily. “He’s still a jerk.”_

_“Wow,” Stell wheezed in surprise. “I smell bad blood running on an entirely different level.”_

_“I—, I don’t hate him, hate him,” Josh pointed out and Stell cocked an eyebrow, obviously suspicious but Josh ignored him and went on. “He just gets on my nerves most of the time.”_

_“Dre, he’s a good kid,” urged Stell further, making the other roll his eyes. “Give him a chance. And also,”_

_Josh snapped his head up to Stell who left his words hanging in the air on purpose and he frowned at the malicious smirk that pulled Stell’s mouth in the corner. Aish, he didn’t like where this was going, but he asks regardless because his mouth was quicker than his brain._

_“And also?”_

_Stell looked around; making sure nobody was within earshot, before leaning closer to Josh’s ear._

_“I saw him at the restroom this morning”, Stell whispered. “Your boy’s got a really nice dick. Definitely your type! You totally need to get laid then maybe you can go and get a life aga—”_

_Stell was no longer able to finish his sentence when Josh chased him out of the practice room, growling in fury._

_“Do you really not want me here?”_ Ken repeats, certain that Josh didn’t hear him the first time by the way the older’s eyes dulled. He had his mouth slightly ajar too, so Ken had to make sure he’s talking to a living body by poking the rapper on his side that makes the other flinch. _“Well, would ya look at that? He’s still alive.”_

Whether Josh ascended into a different dimension, he couldn’t tell, but he snorts when he finally hears Ken’s voice anew; and found himself once again staring into those puppy eyes that surely looked…disarming. _What the hell?_ He sighs rather heavily where his shoulders drop along with the slight heave of his chest. Contemplating whether they can both come to terms, for the time being, he muses they can probably still enjoy the vacation in one way or another. To err is human, and to forgive is divine, after all. So perhaps, his answer to his own question might be yes, because needless to say, Josh deserves his peace.

_“K-Ken, I—“_

_“I mean, if you don’t wanna share the room,”_ Ken shrugs as he continues to speak, thoughtlessly cutting out Josh’s potential little pep talk. _“The couch in the living area’s surprisingly cozy. It’s not that big but, I mean, you’re tiny, and hmph—“_

Words hang unspoken in the air the moment Josh’s hand covers Ken’s mouth (so soft and small, Ken notes to himself) to prevent him from further blabbering. While Ken could easily pry the teeny weeny fingers away, he doesn’t. He lets it sit there on his mouth without objections, and Josh doesn’t see the smirk tugging on Ken’s lips when something cheeky crosses the younger’s thoughts.

_“Shut up, Suson. Just. Shut.”_ Josh warns, trying to set Ken in flames with his blistering gaze but quickly withdraws his hand from the latter’s mouth and yells when something wet and soft brush against the inside of his hand. _“What the fuck, you’re disgusting!”_

Ken doubles in laughter as Josh frantically wipes the saliva off of his palm on the material of Ken’s pants, who tries to flee away in vain.

_“Sorry, I’m —hhh— I’m sorry,”_ Ken mutters in between his fit of giggles, wipes a tear from his eye. _“I was just teasing. I’m sorry.”_

Josh huffs and mentally counts to ten, controls the urge to spit on the other’s ear. Yeah, he can go as petty as that so instead, he exhales all his frustrations away and fixes the side of his bed before reminding the other to _not bother him anymore_ and to f _ucking go to sleep._ After rolling over to his other side, and actually going to sleep, Ken is left half-awake and completely amused.

For what it’s worth, Ken pouts at the fact that they really didn’t get to call the night a ceasefire? There was neither a shake of hands, nor even a verbal agreement at least, but Ken guesses that not being thrown out into the streets in the dead of night is a decent start, and he can do with that.

He lies on the bed after shutting the lights off, one arm comfortably tucked under his head while he spends a couple of minutes just looking at the ceiling. It wasn’t long before he finds himself drifting off to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, amidst the buzzing of the younger’s soft snores, Josh stirs awake. Ken is fast asleep, so he doesn’t see how Josh unwittingly stares at his sleeping face, doesn’t hear the deep sigh the older man lets out, and doesn’t feel the slight rustling of sheets when Josh twists and turns on his side of the bed. And above all, Ken doesn’t know how Josh almost, almost removes the pillow fence between them, before chickening out and going back to sleep.

♡

Josh is confused as hell. Day one spent on a December weekday in Jeju Island was somewhat, eventful, Josh believes. It wasn’t his first time going out of the country, let alone South Korea, so Josh is certain that his relatively baffled state is in no way related to these.

_That morning, Josh woke up rather late. He’s been having sleeping troubles lately, and his previous theory that the nearly freezing temperature in a foreign country might relieve his plight has been dismissed, much to his disappointment. That morning wasn’t an exception. After countless rounds of twisting and turning in bed, he finally caught some sleep at nearly 4 AM._

_He would’ve preferred to, perhaps, stay in bed all day but the idea was immediately revoked by a gentle stroke on his hand, on his arm, and on his thighs. A little tickled than he would’ve let on, he responded to the culprit with a series of sleepy moans, but the owner of the hand was relentless. With a soft grumble and a barely audible curse, Josh opened his eyes and almost bucked as he’s met with a pair of chestnut-hued, doe eyes that belong to Ken._

_Must be dreaming, Josh thinks, hence he tries to rub the sleep away from his eyes, only to find the same pair of orbs gawking at him, amused. Wasn’t a dream, Josh concludes, where his brain was a second too late in processing the image before him, making the older jolt away from the hand that was resting on his right thigh. It burned, Josh thought, the skin where Ken touched him burned. He fights the blush creeping up his neck, but couldn’t, wasn’t possible, so he squeezes his eyes shut in distress._

_“Get up now,” Ken murmured, his morning voice breaking, and Josh hated the way he liked it. He briefly turned to his phone to check the time. It was nearly 9 am. “Everyone’s had breakfast already.”_

_Josh had his eyes on his own hands, suddenly feeling like they were lead, heavy and swollen. He turned to silently motion Ken to go ahead, and the younger understood, quietly exiting their messy bedroom._

_Their first stop was at Maze Land._

_They took the bus as planned, since renting a car to drive around Jeju would be too costly and confining for a group of five. They looked like a bunch of carefree teenagers standing in the middle of the slightly crowded bus, swaying along to the vehicle’s every turn; but Josh’s mind was floating somewhere far from Jeju._

_“Hey,” a rich, raspy voice had softly called, knew it was directed to Josh. He looked onto his side to nod blankly at Sejun. “Are you okay? You seem, off.”_

_“Ha? Ah, yeah,” replied Josh, unsure of himself. “Just, needed more sleep, I guess. Nothing two shots of coffee can’t fix.”_

_One sharp turn of the bus into the curve had Josh’s hand faltering against the handrail, and he waited to land on his butt on the bus floor but the fall didn’t come; not when he felt a strong arm firmly secured around his waist and thoughtfully held him up on his feet._

_Ken._

_“Careful,” Josh heard him breathe too close into his ear, and the baritone voice seared its way into his skull._

_Josh became aware of the way he’s leaning too close to Ken’s neck. One wrong breath he took had his senses reeling with the scent of milky-sweet vanilla; his eyes sliding close carelessly, cheeks heating up and begging silently for it not to show._

_There was faint regret once the weight of the arm around his waist disappeared, and it didn’t help with Josh’s current condition._

_“T-thanks,” stuttered Josh as he dragged the words out of his mouth._

_Ken’s smug smirk turned into something gentler, warmer. He hummed. “It’s okay.”_

_Josh felt dizzy all the more._

_Even when they reached their destination, where everyone had fun, laughed out loud, chased and hid from each other around the massive Labyrinth crafted from a mantle of bright greens, Josh walked around aimlessly, his brain far too sleep-deprived to realize that he’s just going around in circles and was in fact, lost inside the maze._

_He considered calling one of his members but saved it for later; he could probably keep walking and find the way out at some point. But when his phone vibrated repeatedly inside his pocket, where message tones and call alerts took turns, he figured he must have been missing for a lot longer than he assumed._

_He tapped on the receive call button as soon as another ring came about, not bothering to check the caller ID, so when the familiar deep voice echoed into his ear, something odd bloomed in his stomach when he answered and Ken was all but spouting nearly incoherent words from the other line. One thing Josh was sure; Ken was freaking out, so Sejun had to take the phone from the younger and instructed the oldest to just stay in his spot._

_A few minutes later, Sejun and Ken (mostly Ken), was pulling him along and out of the labyrinth._

_After a quick lunch along Black Pork Street and an hour of strolling around the small area overlooking the ocean, they decided to take the bus again and went home. Josh felt bad, knowing he caused them to worry and cancel out on their plans for the day so that he could catch some more sleep. However, he knew that should they had gone anywhere else, he might as well be collapsing on the sidewalk anytime._

_They reached their lodge just a little before dusk, the sun was about to set in a few minutes, dusting a lucid rose and coral spectrum across the horizon. The wind was crisp and cool, and Josh finally felt he could sleep properly this time. Stell and Sejun had quickly prepared an early dinner, just heating up some leftovers and take-outs, and they were spending a light-hearted meal not long after._

_“Wha—, hey?” muttered Josh when Ken placed a couple of strips of beef into his bowl. “What’re you doing?”_

_Instead of actually answering, Ken left another meat and some pieces of vegetables on top of his rice, simply ignoring Josh’s question, as well as the other three pairs of eyes on the table that had since stopped eating, watching the two of them in wonder. Frowning, Josh blocked Ken’s chopsticks using his._

_“Wait, huy. Mind your own bowl. I can feed myself just fine.”_

_“Eh, you should eat properly,” Ken leaned over to peep at Josh’s bowl, didn’t see the way the rapper almost jolted in his seat when a few strands of bronze hair softly brushed against Josh’s cheekbone; didn’t see the way Josh swallowed distractedly. “See, you only have sauce in your rice.”_

_“K-Ken, I know? Can you please,” Josh stuttered, disliking it at once. “I’m—, I’m not a kid.”_

_When Ken looked up, Josh froze, and he could narrowly make out the tiny hitch on Ken’s breathing. Their faces were merely inches away, unconsciously crowding right into each other’s space, trapping themselves inside an invisible wall._

_Ken’s eyes flickered, his thick lashes dancing like shadows in a sphere. Then Josh noticed it again, that vanilla shedding of the side of his throat, teasing his nose, tickling his skin, leaving a bed of goosebumps at the back of his neck. He needed to breathe, but he shouldn’t, unless he wanted this bronze-haired asshole’s perfume burning inside his daylights; so thick, so heady; blending treacherously with his natural, musky scent._

_“*Cough* Get a *Cough* room,” Justin cleared his throat once, twice, and they were snapped out of Lala-land, both looking ridiculously red._

_“Uhh,” Ken mumbled, clearly in a daze. “Sorry, I was just—“_

_Josh stood from his seat at full tilt, leaving an ear-splitting screech across the floor. He quickly tore himself away from the table, suddenly wanting to disappear. “I’m done. I need to go to sleep. Heh, bye! Annyeong!”_

_Dropping his chopsticks on the table, Josh briskly walked away with a single wave of his hand. His chest felt tight, and so did his pants._

Up in their bedroom five minutes or so later, Josh is drenched in sweat, has his cotton sweatpants pooling around his thighs, fisting his cock, hurried and rough.

He tries to think of anything, just anything, but not the scent of vanilla swirling around Ken’s neck, not the strong, warm hands around his waist, not the rich, dark chocolate in his voice. But he doesn’t do well, when all he visualizes is Ken, Ken, Ken; annoying ass Ken; gasping, blushing Ken; lips shining-with-Josh’s-cum Ken.

_Fuck._ He bites his lip, knowing the walls are thin and the door is unlocked; there isn’t anything Josh can do should Ken walk in all of a sudden in the middle of his ordeal. And the thought of getting caught by Ken, flustered, butt-naked and freshly-shaved balls, is all it takes before Josh is trembling as his orgasm hits him unbelievably hard and fast, spilling white all over his fingers and thighs, wishing Ken’s lips were there to lick him dry.

_Josh is definitely screwed_.

♡

Josh’s eyes still feel heavy; his mind is wide awake, but he lets his eyes rest, he guesses he still can, for a few more minutes. He discovers it doesn’t feel unpleasant like the day before. He breathes in deeply, senses that the heater’s working fine as it should, but then, there’s a different kind of warmth fighting against the chilly morning breeze, seeping from the walls. Josh breathes in again, takes in another soft breath ghosting across his face, making him squint.

Reluctantly, he opens his eyes and is immediately welcomed by the sight of Ken’s sleeping face. He blinks a couple of times before his brain finally registers how his nose is merely inches away from Ken’s. Josh couldn’t tell how this incident possibly came about.

_Where’s his pillow fence?_

Allowing his eyes to wander, Josh finds his _fence_ crumpled somewhere beneath their feet, the tip almost touching the floor. Then his gaze sweeps its way up, eventually falling upon their bodies, where Ken’s left arm is cozily draped over Josh’s hip, their legs tangled together, as if pulling Josh closer; almost pressing him against every inch of Ken.

_Oh, god._

Josh contemplates jumping and cursing the hell out of Ken that instant. But, without noticing, he doesn’t do any of those things. His body feels heavy, like some sort of gravity’s pinning him right there. It feels _wrong, wrong, wrong_ , his mind screams, but also, it feels…nice?

_Maybe,_ he thinks. _Maybe it’s okay._ So he lets it.

A few seconds rolled by quietly, the silence of the room swallowing them both up and still, Josh is only staring, finds he’s a little too mesmerized than he thought he should be. Ken looks calm; innocent somehow, something Ken definitely isn’t, especially not in Josh’s wet dreams.

Ken is sexy and attractive as hell; there wasn’t any way to put it. Josh knows that well. The younger’s damp bronze hair and smooth almond skin, voice that sounds deeply-rooted into the rich earth, Josh has seen everything for the last five years, well, almost; but it’s purely platonic, definitely nothing intentional.

_Until now._

Unconsciously, Josh swallows hard, feeling the walls of his throat constricting as he recalls how he jerked off the night before to the thought of him, fucking Ken’s mouth and painting his cum on the canvass of his lips; wonders if Ken tastes as sweetly as he smells. _Oh_ , the way Josh’s entire body shuddered in pleasure was maddening. He acknowledges it was his strongest orgasm, and probably the most pleasant sleep he’s had in weeks.

Josh’s cheeks burned, just as his eyes fly open in horror when Ken suddenly whines softly in his sleep. There’s barely a second between Josh squeezing his eyes shut again and pretending to fall asleep, and the moment Ken opens his eyes and quickly detaches himself from Josh’s body with an almost audible _“shit”,_ voice breaking like glass.

Josh lies still, nearly as good as dead, struggling hard to keep his breath even. He feels the mattress dip slowly as Ken rises and leaves, counts the steps Ken takes as he enters the bathroom and hears the door lock; when the younger steps out of it and then there’s quiet that lingers for a while.

Josh is confused, almost opens his eyes. He’s certain that Ken hasn’t gone out of the room, but then he feels the blanket under his legs being pulled up very, very gently, and the thick of the warm material tenderly covering every inch of his milk skin exposed in the cold.

Josh’s breathing hitches with the thought of the younger tucking him in quietly, almost as though he’s afraid to wake him up. But when Josh feels a soft finger gently brushing a clump of his hair aside and hooking it behind his left ear, his heart squeezes tightly within his chest.

Subtly, he hears the bedroom door open, and then close, where he begins to imagine Ken preparing their meal, feeling strangely fond at the domesticity of the image he weaves in his head. The door lock clicks and the room falls quiet once again. It was too quiet that Josh can clearly hear his heart vibrating like it was lodged in his skull. Josh finally frees a mouthful of air, amazed at how long he held it up skillfully.

Suddenly, he feels bad. He chews his bottom lip and thinks; perhaps, he should treat Ken just a little bit nicer.

♡

It’s probably a few degrees warmer on their second day, still cold, the tips of Josh’s fingers felt brittle and were tainted in deep pink, but warm enough to catch some sun and salty air by the beach just a little across their lodge.

They strolled along the coastline, reveling in the calming waves of the ocean, enjoying the droplets that all but turn to mist even before it hits their cheeks. With the blend of first light and the early winter gust of wind, Josh thinks everything looks perfect. He breathes in and closes his eyes, but suddenly finds himself tumbling across the damp sand and rolling even further as their maknae shoves him on his back, wrestles him triumphantly, and runs away.

_“Cheater!”_ Josh yells at Jah’s retreating figure, but the youngest only sticks his tongue out at Josh to prove a point. _“Aish, that kid!”_

The rapper tries to get up, brushing grains of sand on his hair and body, discovers it to be a bit difficult due to the bulkiness of his jacket, and shakes his head. Perhaps he can just put on an “out-of-order” sticker on his forehead and call it a day? Sounds tempting, to be honest.

He props his weight on both hands again and attempts to lift himself up when a veiny hand stretches out in front of him and for some reason, he takes it. Effortlessly, he was pulled up into his feet unsteadily and almost trips over again, carelessly letting himself collapse into Ken’s firm chest with a tiny squeal leaving his lips.

_“T-thanks, again,”_ Josh says timidly, voice thick, hoping his blush isn’t too obvious in the daylight as he straightens himself out of the younger’s grip, but couldn’t.

Ken’s hands still mesh around his waist, and if the main dancer doesn’t let go in less than ten seconds, Josh will certainly pass out from holding his breath in for too long.

_“K-Ken, you can let me go now—“_

_“No,”_ Ken interrupts him swiftly. “ _I mean—, you have sand in your face,”_ purrs the younger, before lifting a finger over to his cheek and wipes something away from there. Josh leans to the touch; he _fucking leans_ to it without much thought before he freezes, taking in the recklessness of his decisions.

He knows there isn’t any way he can mask the shade of blood surging all the way up to his head. He has nowhere to go, but he needs to breathe, and Ken is only making things a bit too much; especially when the same finger begins to travel from his soft cheeks, down to the corner of Josh’s mouth, and finally to the center, the softest, plumpest part.

A million pinpricks bleed all over Josh’s body the moment Ken swipes a thumb over the older’s pretty bottom lip, pressing it gently inward twice until Josh can taste a bit of skin poking on the nip of his tongue.

_“There,”_ says Ken satisfactorily over his work. _“That’s better.”_

Ken is already walking away when Josh finds all the air he needed and sucks in deeply, cooling his lungs that seem to be burning up a pyre, greedily consuming his entire system. _What the actual fuck?_ Josh was sure as hell he did not fall face first in the sand, and he therefore did not have sand on his face, let alone his lips.

_Fuck. Fuck._ It’s pretty bad, now that Josh is definitely too hard and wet for a public place, it’s ridiculous. He feels like if Ken breathes on him the right way, he’ll most likely orgasm right there and then.

_“Josh!”_ yells Stell a few meters from behind him and Josh comes back to himself; his eyes clearing out from the lust and tidies himself up, slaps his face hard enough to keep him sane before skidding toward Stell and grabbing his waiting hand. _“Dre, you okay?”_

_“Huh? Yeah, I’m good,”_ answers Josh, sounding more like he was convincing himself rather than Stell. _“I’m good.”_

He has to take the opportunity to pull himself together somehow before they reach their next destination, with a raging erection that is.

They spent a few hours picking tangerines at a nearby citrus farm because Stell and Sejun just wouldn’t shut up how they can’t miss making a pudding out of the fresh tangerines of Jeju.

There were no direct busses to the place so they had to take a walk, which was okay, except for Josh who kept fiddling on the hem of his jacket to hide his boner until it calmed down. It likewise didn’t help that Ken seemed to be intentionally slowing his pace down with Josh. There were fleeting moments when their pinkies brushed against each other and Josh could only curse inside his head because he so badly wanted to hook his tiny pinkie against Ken’s because that would be cute; cute and even THAT made his dick hard.

He’s become so easy for Ken that the littlest of the younger’s actions strikes him dumb, it was beyond contempt at this point.

Josh is frowning as he watches Sejun, Justin, and Ken laughing merrily while plucking the fruits out of their stems. It’s still cold despite the sun, but he’s already sweating and his arm and back feel sore with the weight of his fruits basket that he filled to the brim, for no reason in particular. The farm looks pretty, with all the blooming buds and varying colors of lemons, limes, and grapefruit shrubs that surround the perimeter, but Josh just can’t bring himself to appreciate anything.

He absently picks a tangerine from his basket, peels it a little too roughly, and takes a bite, still scowling, until he eats the whole fruit in the second go.

_“Well, aren’t you looking like a bulldog chewing a wasp?”_ Josh almost swallows the fruit and coughs it out when a hand slaps on his back; it was Stell, in his bright canary yellow sweater and matching yellow cap. With the floral scarf adorning his neck, he almost looks like a local peasant.

_“A w-what now?”_

_“I said you look horrible, kinda.”_

_“Gee, thanks. I really appreciate that.”_ Sneers Josh before frowning again when he turns to the sound of some mirthful laughing on the opposite side of the farm.

_“So why are you sulking?”_

Josh spits out a tangerine seed. _“I most definitely am not!”_

Stell cocks an eyebrow at his friend’s abrupt change of mood and pauses, feeling amused as he follows Josh’s line of vision toward a few meters ahead. The younger smirks when he sees Ken on that view, playfully bantering with Jah, looking a tad bit too happy and touchy for someone else’s liking; probably someone named Josh.

_“Uh huh. That’s funny.”_ Stell snorts unsurely, a finger tapping lightly on his lips. _“I see you haven’t murdered Ken in his sleep. Change of plans?”_

_“He wasn’t annoying in the last two days,”_ Josh explains nonchalantly and shrugs. _“I’ll let him live, I guess.”_

_“A ceasefire? Oh. Guess the world’s coming to an end after all.”_

_“Shut up. He’s still an ass.”_

_“Ah, I really don’t get this,”_ says Stell with an indulgent smirk on his face. _“He’s a very sweet kid. Everybody thinks that too.”_

_“Around you guys,”_ Josh corrects him _. “All he does is make fun of me.”_

_“My, my, Josh Cullen,”_ Stell huffs in frustration. _“You really are stupid sometimes. Maybe even more stupid than I give you credit for. I completely underestimated you.”_

_“And what the hell is that supposed to mean?”_

_“You’re old enough. Surely you can figure it out.”_

Josh wanted to worm everything out of his friend and his suggestive teasing, but Stell is already turning his back on Josh to fetch his boyfriend lost somewhere in the taller shrubs.

_How am I stupid?_ Josh wonders and while he wishes to overanalyze on this occasion, all things considered, because how can he not when someone’s been tremendously messing with his head lately? And what if he was wrong? What if he was merely being a presumptuous blockhead who thinks with his dick? It’s not like—

_“Hey!”_ Josh yelps when his overflowing basket of tangerines is yanked away from his relatively benumbed arm. _“Give me back my fruits!”_

Ken turns to him obediently but hums with interest, the corner of his lips curving into a sheepish smile and Josh stops as his skin tingles because all for the love of— _,_ he cannot be hard again that fast; if that was even remotely and anatomically possible.

_“Here. Let me help,”_ the younger offers, where his voice is soft and his smile is as bright as the sun.

The older’s breath settles inside his throat momentarily as he takes in the soft light catching on Ken’s chestnut-hued irises barely concealed behind his plush bronze hair; and _god, that’s_ _so beautiful_. _So warm and pretty; a_ part from the lewd thoughts that he’s trying to sweep into the back of his head.

But then, Ken just had to take that single step forward; an inch closer to Josh, and had to hold his clothed arm and rub it and squeeze it and _oh—,_ he can feel the gush of blood swimming along his veins. It takes him a couple of minutes before he can feel his arm again, but why Josh can’t seem to throw the word _thanks_ nearly as easily as he did the last time is already beyond him.

Ken is only staring at him fondly, if that was the correct way to put it. The younger was smiling, though no longer showing his adorable crooked teeth that Josh suddenly finds himself liking; and the older’s smile drops just as quickly as it showed up, taking a cautious step backward. The distance suddenly felt like miles.

_“Y-yeah, t-thank you!”_ Josh says in haste and is already on his heels and speeding away from Ken, not even waiting for a response nor throwing a look over his shoulder. So he doesn’t see the confused look that lingers in Ken’s face as he watched the older skedaddle his way out of the farm.

♡

The five of them are all lazing at the backyard that night, exchanging common talks over mugs and mugs of Hallasan Soju, and abalone hotpot rice, and a whole platter of various grilled seafood that they bought from the supermarket earlier that day. The cold evening wind is a little unkind, if the steam pouring out of their mouths is anything to go by.

Chugging down his half-full mug of liquor, Ken savors the last few drops of it in his tongue as he slouches quietly on his wooden rocking chair, watching the modest campfire flicker in and out of Josh’s heavy-lidded eyes. The rapper sits opposite the embers, sips sparingly from his mug as he cackles the night away with infamous tales of his childhood that everyone already knew about.

Ken has always known that Josh can be a bit loud when he’s fairly tipsy, but not quite. _That one night at the bar where Josh dragged him outside and berated him in the streets for supposedly hanging out with a female brunette could testify. Ah, if Josh only knew. The older might have said some really distasteful words, but it made Ken hot and jerk off fast and furious that night._

_It wasn’t long ago when Ken started feeling it again. In fact, it happened a bit earlier at the supermarket, when Josh was tiptoeing by a shelf of canned foods, struggling to reach a small tin can he particularly needed. Ken thought Josh looked small and cute, not until he marched toward the older and leaned over, unwittingly pressing his front to the other’s ass. Ken had to pretend that he didn’t know how Josh froze and whimpered softly at the sheer contact; not to mention the dark blush that crawled to the tips of his ears, all the way down to his nape._

Now Josh’s face is all but pink again, particularly on his cheekbones where freckles might have appeared in Summer; but all of it for an entirely different reason. Yet _screw it,_ because whether Josh was drunk or he wasn’t, Josh will always be unbelievably beautiful. There is grace in the way Josh’s tiny fingers held around the girth of his mug, his jeweled rings making soft clinks against the porcelain cup; the way Josh runs the same fingers through his hair and tries to tuck it behind his ear, but then they were too short and will fall back across his hooded eyes like a delicate strip of black lace.

_Beautiful_ , Ken thinks; too beautiful, it hurts.

Ken didn’t plan this, he didn’t plan any of this at all. They came to Jeju to switch off and breathe easy after a successful string of concert tours back in the Philippines, and it wasn’t as though anything would change between him and Josh. The older man hated his guts; that was something he knows all too well. And while Ken didn’t want any of those, there wasn’t much he could do about it, even if it felt like an open wound in his breakable skin that never healed.

He likes Josh, so much, too much.

He liked him the moment he saw him step into the studio. He was the most beautiful city boy he’s ever seen. He was tiny and cute, and scary when he’s angry, but the smile that makes him look like a furry pet, it melts half of Ken’s existence only to re-sculpt and melt again.

Ken has always wanted to know how it feels like to be able to touch him, to hold his hand, kiss him, feel him, make love to him; and s _hit_ , the way Josh brought along a fucking raspberry lube and a ton of condoms in his bag, it was driving Ken crazy. It was those years of pent-up frustration engulfing his entire body like a rogue wave that made Ken do all those brazen acts around Josh during the last two days. He was desperate; to be honest, and as soon as Ken had the chance, sharing the same room with Josh, much less the bed, Ken knew he was finished.

Josh doesn’t know how it took everything in Ken to not grab him by the neck and kiss him when Ken wakes him up; to not pull him in a warm hug and press his fragile body against Ken’s like they were puzzle pieces meant to be unriddled; to not suck the moans out of Josh’s throat each time the older lets out a whimper; to not bend Josh over the dining table and fuck his daylights out because _goddamnit_ , Ken was so hard in his pants every. damn. time.

Insufferable. Ken was definitely insufferable.

The night pressed on, and the embers are growing dimmer by the second, taking their sweet time as Sejun, Stell and Justin all stand up waywardly, outright drunk and disoriented at the very least. They might as well crawl toward their room, which they almost did, and are later on blowing kisses and spewing light-hearted _I love yous_ to the two steadfast men remaining in the cold backyard. It wasn’t long before the backyard falls into a pit of stillness, apart from the perishing furnace between the two awkward figures that did nothing more than to switch quick glimpses of one another.

Josh is still half-dazed, but still sane if the situation deems needful, much like right now. He clears his throat and props himself up, swaying just a little and almost tripping in his shadow. But as much as Josh hates to admit, he hoped Ken would hold and steady him up again on his feet, the way he held him without fail during the past two days. He finds himself blushing deeply when the now familiar feeling of Ken’s firm hands envelope him, a little tighter than necessary, but Josh isn’t one to complain.

_“Don’t say it,”_ Ken smirks. _“You’re welcome.”_

Josh takes in Ken’s cocky grin before he rolls his eyes with a click of his tongue. Annoyed as he typically was, but then he doesn’t do anything to squirm out of Ken’s embrace. He just lets him, completely giving up on protesting, not that he plans to because, at that point, it wasn’t really that bad at all.

_“You,”_ Josh starts, looking Ken squarely in the eyes. _“What are you doing?”_

_“Helping you up.” Replies Ken matter-of-factly._

_“Can you be, like, serious for once?”_

_“Huh?”_ Ken is genuinely lost. _“What does it look like I’m doing?”_

Josh snorts and swipes his tongue on the upper row of his teeth. _“You are so confusing, Suson.”_

Ken tilts his head to the side, loosening his grip around Josh’s arms to allow a bit of breathing space. He can tell that the older looks disappointed and perhaps, Ken is just imagining things, but he still tenses out of anticipation, or unease, Ken couldn’t tell. He feels a little bold, probably from the alcohol and he makes a mental note to thank the Soju for that.

He slides his calloused hands along the length of Josh’s clothed arms, gently squeezing around it, feeling the firm muscles underneath; and the rapper goes almost completely still.

_“How am I confusing?”_ Ken asks, his voice soft and low, it makes Josh’s skin crawl.

If the older is feeling a bit too unsettled in his stomach, he doesn’t let it show. But his voice betrays him when it breaks the moment he opens his mouth. He discovers he doesn’t care anymore. Josh wants to know, needs to know why things are how it is and where all these are headed. He wants to be closer to Ken, but he needs to know things before he gives and takes it all.

_“You—, you’re annoying as hell,”_ he blurts out. _“B-but then, one moment you do these, these things, sweet things. The next, you’re, s-seducing me. Aren’t we supposed to, like, hate each other? You’re—, I don’t even know. You’re weird. You’re messing with my head.”_

Ken would be lying if he says Josh’s words still came as a surprise. He definitely did some pretty reckless gestures that warranted the older’s baffled expression, but Ken finds himself reveling in it instead and feels the need to pull Josh closer, as much as possible; and that he does; pleased at the lack of objection from the man he likes.

Ken sighs in relief against Josh’s mesh of hair when he finally feels a pair of arms circle around his torso, fingers locked against one another. The younger doesn’t stifle the small smile forming on his lips, and permits himself to be selfish that second.

_“I don’t think I am,”_ Ken murmurs in Josh’s hair. _“I do know exactly what I want.”_

_“Then, what do you want?”_ Josh asks carefully. _“Tell me.”_

Ken feels he’s drowning in Josh’s eyes. He has Josh’s slender body trapped within his embrace and yet, Josh’s eyes, they have this power over Ken, and he willingly succumbs to it.

_“You. I want you,”_ Ken mumbles, voice thick under his shaky breath. _“And more of you, if you’ll let me.”_

_“Ken…”_

_“Will you tell me to stop?”_ Ken questions, voice croaking and chest heaving deeply like he’s been running in circles. _“Tell me to stop, Josh.”_

_“I—no, I won’t.”_

_“Josh…”_

_“Ken,”_ Josh pleads, and he doesn’t even know what he was begging for. _“Please.”_

The campfire has since quelled into a small blaze and everywhere is cold. They were drinking in each other’s gaze when the first fall of snow rests in the calm space between them, and all the warmth they need was within each other’s skin. When Ken presses his forehead against Josh’s own and the tip of their noses touch; the mists of their chilled breaths swirling around their faces and rousing dormant fire deep in their core, Josh suddenly can’t seem to understand why he’s not supposed to kiss Ken.

Their eyes glazed down to both their lips at the same time, licking the chapped skin caused by the bitter cold, and the distance is slowly closed as they captured each other’s mouths. It was feather-light softness in the beginning, testing the waters, tasting the liquor and butter dwelling on the surface. They pull back, looking into each other’s eyes, searching, questioning, and knowing there is nothing to ask anymore. They’ve both known all along. They kiss again.

Josh feels the wetness of Ken’s tongue licking around his lips before prodding the tip gently into the cave of his mouth, seeking entrance, and Josh lets him in, opens up for Ken, wanting to give him everything he asks for. He plants both his palms flat on Ken’s back and carefully presses him against his own, wanting to show the younger how badly he wants him as well.

When Ken unabashedly moans deep into Josh’s mouth, he knows in that moment, he owned Ken’s soul, and Josh’s heart tells him it was home.

They break apart reluctantly, breathing heavily as they stayed in the cold with foreheads pressed, with mellow smiles in their eyes.

_It feels perfect._

_“This—,this isn’t how I thought I’d let you know,”_ Ken whispers. _“But I guess it works.”_

_“Really now,”_ Josh responds with a snort. _“Sounds like someone had a plan.”_

_“But it’s true,”_ Ken chuckles, thumbing the smooth skin of Josh’s skin. _“I’ve always wanted to take you out on proper dates, hold your hands and watch the stars.”_

_“Oh my god,”_ Josh giggles, and it just might be Ken’s favorite sound from thereon. _“Wouldn’t have known you’re sentimental like that.”_

_“Maybe,”_ shrugs Ken, before he leans over to Josh’s ear and nips on the lobe gently, smiling as he feels Josh’s body tremble under his touch. _“But I’d also like to kiss you all the time. Don’t ever wanna stop. And maybe make you feel good too until you’re screaming.”_

Josh lets out a small gasp, his drunkenness might just be coming back and washing him off ashore as his control over his body is overshadowed by his want and need, shaking him to the core. It has been so long since Josh had anyone in his life, kissing him and touching him the way he had always yearned. He wants a lot of things, including Ken. He doesn’t know exactly what to do, but he wants more.

He grabs the back of Ken’s nape and captured the younger’s mouth with a spark of hunger he never knew is in him all this time. Or maybe Josh knew, but he didn’t know what to do with it. This time, he was certain. He likes Ken; wants Ken. Fuck, he is fucking in love with Ken for god knows how long and all he ever wanted was for Ken to pay him more attention, and see only him, want only him.

He presses himself against Ken’s body tighter, like he wanted to meld with him and become one. They kissed with more intent, more urge, Ken’s hands roaming all over Josh’s neck, his shoulders, along his arm, he lets Ken explore him all over. They are both greedy and addicted and whatever doubts they both have been set free the moment Josh slots his one leg between Ken’s thighs and grinds his hips against it, allowing himself to moan freely, no longer caring whether he was too loud.

Ken freezes before he releases a soft grunt, burying his nose in the exposed nook of Josh’s neck. Ken is hard, Josh can feel his erection rutting against his hip.

_“We should go inside,”_ Ken breathes roughly. _“Please. I’m going to die.”_

_“Brat,”_ Josh laughs _. “But okay.”_

Ken takes Josh’s hand and they run inside the house, somehow making it all the way into their shared bedroom without stripping each other off naked in the living area, or the kitchen perhaps. It isn’t too long before Josh finds Ken sitting by the edge of their mattress, and him straddling across his lap; every piece of outerwear peeled off from their bodies until all they have on was bare skin and soft, comfortable boxers.

They were kissing messily, sloppily, lots of teeth and tongue and saliva while their hands delve into every dip and curve of their muscles, whimpers trapped in each other’s throats.

_“The walls are thin,”_ Ken breathes. _“We should keep it down.”_

_“Shut up,”_ Josh commands in between wet kisses along his jaw _. “I don’t care. Keep going.”_

Josh shudders at the feel of Ken’s fingertips tracing his hip bone, barely peeking through the waistband of his boxers.

_“Do you know how I’ve always thought about licking you here?”_ Ken whispers _. “When you dance in the studio wearing only your sweatpants; so sexy._

_“Fuck, you talk too much,”_ Josh says, throwing caution into the wind, but he was blushing furiously; picturing Ken taking him there at the studio, in front of all those mirrors and _shit_ , Josh is very, very hard. It hurts like hell.

Josh almost begs again for Ken to do something, anything, but it seems he no longer had to when he feels Ken’s hands sliding inside his waistband, pushing it down slowly, and Josh lifts himself a little to allow the fabric to slide along the expanse of his legs. In no time at all, he was also shedding the last layer of clothing off of Ken’s body, and they feel the warm skin of their cocks meeting between them for the first time.

Ken slips his hand and cups the older man’s cock in one hand, strokes it a couple of times before leaning onto Josh’s perfectly smooth skin, and catches a nipple between his tongue and teeth. Josh gasps where an unmistakable sound of pure pleasure and need drips from his mouth, and Ken stares at how his lover’s face, panting and twisting beautifully like an art piece.

_“K-Ken,”_ Josh chokes out _. “Your hand.”_

_“What’s wrong baby?”_

The pet name comes out of nowhere and Josh blushes harder, but still refuses to show how completely gone he is for Ken. Instead, he frowns at the hand that keeps stroking his dick.

_“Your hands are kinda,”_ Josh pauses, and Ken waits patiently, stroking him continuously nonetheless. _“Kinda rough.”_

_Oh._

Ken feels flustered and embarrassed, knowing how his hands were thick and calloused from all the years of playing his guitar. He doesn’t have it in him to take offense with the way Josh had said it because, if anything, Josh’s hands are smoothed to perfection and will surely feel divine around his cock.

_“Where’s your lube?”_ Ken asks, remembering the iconic raspberry lube that Josh hid in the farthest pockets of his luggage.

Josh spares no time, doesn’t even flinch with the way Ken exposed him ever casually so. He almost jumps from the bed and dives into the closet, pulling the bottommost rack in haste and rummages through his belongings as though his life depends on it. His eyes sparkle in delight as he snags the familiar black and red tube, smiles secretly at the thought that he will be able to use this after all.

He nearly jumps back into the bed and lands right into Ken’s lap. The younger man laughs fondly as Josh shoves the tube into his big hand. Calmly waiting for Ken to generously coat his fingers with the substance, Josh spreads his legs for Ken and feels bold and sexy for doing so.

Ken swallows hard at Josh’s immaculate nakedness and questions whether he was even worthy to touch something so precious.

_“Hurry please,”_ Josh begs again, feeling he was about to burn alive. He almost nabs the tube of lube from Ken’s hands and smears a blob of the pinkish gel all over his fingers and rubs it until it was warm enough.

Their hands slide between them again and enclose around each other’s lengths, both sighing wantonly with the warmth and slick and the mutual lust that shakes them to their bones.

They pressed the heads of their cocks together and feel awed at the contrast of both, where Ken’s dick is of a darker pink and is quite long while Josh’s a little shorter but thicker, one that can make you say pretty. They share the heats of their throbbing sexes, threads of pre-come pooling around each other, mixing across their fingers and Ken bites his tongue to keep himself from whining.

Soon, the only thing they hear inside the tranquil room is the sound of rubbing sticky skins and their heavy breathing and the muffled moans from Josh’s lips bouncing firmly against the walls. They took their time, like they have all night to make each other feel good.

Josh is already thrusting his hips, fucking himself into Ken’s fist as desperately as he can. It feels good, so so good; definitely feels so much better than the feel of his own hand. He is embarrassingly close, and the only reason he has not spilled out yet was because he was trying so hard not to, wants to keep feeling Ken’s hands, wants it to last. Judging by the way Ken’s eyes were squeezed shut and his lips fall apart, Josh knows he was making Ken feel good as well.

Josh isn’t prepared and flinches a bit when Ken runs his rough thumb along the slit of Josh’s dick, fails to stifle his scream and cries out loudly, doesn’t find it in himself to care whether or not they can wake the others up with his noise.

Josh’s obscene sex sounds is driving Ken over to the edge. Fuck, he sounds so good, he feels so good, everything about Josh is good and he is getting addicted to it. He tries more different levels of pressure and speed, and the moment Ken’s free hand finds it way to cup Josh’s neatly shaven balls, the older was already spilling and crying out even louder, immense heat coursing through his veins and pulses under his skin in a way Josh has never known before.

Ken stared for a moment, seemingly bewitched as he watches Josh spurt white ropes of rum around their cocks and hands. Ken was nearing too, he can feel the surge of heat sinking deep into his groins, his balls tightening and ready to explode, and _oh good god—!_

An unfamiliar moist heat, one that is so much hotter and wetter than Josh’s hand, surrounded his cock with dangerous want. Ken cracks his eyes open and growls at the sight of Josh’s pink tongue sweeping around the head of Ken’s dick. Ken trembles in overwhelming pride how Josh could desire him the same way he desires Josh. And _fuck,_ how can anyone look so ethereal with a cock shoved inside their mouths? _Josh, only Josh can._

The older wraps his other hand at the base of Ken’s dick, taps the crown of his dick against his shining lips a few times, opens his mouth willingly and darts the flat of his tongue out, and taps Ken’s dick against it as well, seemingly taking delight in the lewd slobby sounds surrounding them.

Ken has never found anything looking so shameless and pretty at the same time; couldn’t endure so much more so he pulls Josh at the back of his head and pushes the older straight down onto his cock, making Josh’s mouth full.

Ken bucks his hips in the rhythm he discovered best, gripping around Josh’s hair tightly, he moves up and down the impressive length of Ken’s sex submissively. The older gags when the tip of Ken’s cock hits the back of his throat, and Ken pulls him back off to let him gasp a few deep breaths before Josh is being shoved again to the waiting cock. Ken was fucking close, and Josh bobs his head faster, harder, and Josh plunges in, takes one deep suck and Ken’s orgasm takes over. The younger throws his head back and rolls his eyes as he explodes heavily into Josh’s mouth.

After Josh swallows every ounce of Ken’s cum, they both almost collapse into each other with a breath of relief.

Ken pulls Josh closer into his chest, the older feeling boneless and sweaty, sprawls himself lazily across Ken’s body, humming with a thankful whimper that makes Ken’s heart soar.

_“Hey?”_ Ken murmurs into Josh’s hair, and Josh finds it ticklish.

_“Hmm?”_

Ken purses his lips and blushes all the way down to his neck, but Josh doesn’t see. _“I love you.”_

_“I love you too, idiot.”_ Josh smiles into the heat of Ken’s nakedness and sighs.

_“Huh, that’s weird,”_ huffs Ken playfully. _“We’re both idiots.”_

_“Tell me about it,”_ Josh answers lazily. _“Everyone’s going to make fun of me.”_

_“They can try. But I’m gonna kick their asses.”_

_“Brat.”_

_“Your brat though.”_

They can’t help but giggle at their own goofiness, especially Josh, who still hasn’t gone out of his high. But he knows he’s still lucid, lucid enough to try and grasp his head around the fact that this was Ken, the same Ken with whom he spent five years of their lives annoying the hell out of each other. He suddenly pouts, regretting all those years that they could have kissed and made love instead. But it doesn’t matter now, not anymore, not when they have each other from that day forward. Ken’s smile blinds him, and Josh snuggles even closer, indulging in Ken’s warmth and thick vanilla scent, until he falls asleep.

♡

Josh has thought about this, like seriously thought about this and he was 100% sure he wanted this, and Ken wanted this too.

Everyone had gone home by now, but the two of them stayed behind the studio, coming up with all the lamest excuses they could muster and while they perfectly knew that Sejun, Stell, and Justin didn’t believe them, not in the least, it wasn’t as though they intended to prevent them from whatever filthy activities they had in mind.

_“Just make sure you clean everything thoroughly.”_ Sejun had said. _“Bleach it. Holy water it. Whatever it, I don’t care. Just don’t fucking leave a trace or you’re both dead.”_

_“Heh,”_ Josh huffed as he shoved Sejun through the exit. _“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Now can you please go home? Ingat!”_

Of course, Josh knows what Sejun was talking about, but who cares? Josh has been dreaming of Ken fucking his brains out in front of all these mirrors. He’s been thinking about it for months ever since they got back home from Jeju and their packed schedule hasn’t let up for once, until today, after five torturous months.

He’s not saying Ken is bad in bed, that’s totally far from the truth. Josh can write a whole anecdote just how great Ken’s dick game has been all this time; everything has been mind-blowing, that’s for sure.

So here is Josh now, sweaty, naked and glowing, palms pressed flatly against one of the mirror panels, his body bent in a squat position without much of a struggle because Ken is firmly holding him by the waist.

Josh is sitting on Ken’s face, riding his tongue and crying out in various pitches as Ken licked and lapped around his hole. Josh can feel Ken’s strong and rough hands spreading his ass cheeks wider, exposing his entrance in a bold stretch, kneading the soft flesh between his fingers, and Josh can only choke and convulse with the gripping pleasure flooding his veins.

Josh’s eyes catch his own reflection in the mirror, staring back at him is a messy wad of hair, skin gleaming with sweat, legs spread impossibly wide, leaking cock pressed hard against his stomach, and the movement of Ken’s skilled tongue, dancing to and fro, back and forth of Josh’s pretty pink hole.

Josh feels fucking filthy, and sexy all at once.

His fingers fly into clumps of Ken’s now jet black hair, seeking balance as his spine arch into an elegant curve, ribs peeking through the thin of his skin and freeing the loudest moans his throat can endure.

_“Fuck! Fuck! Ken! Oh my god—there! Right there, please, oh god, feels good…”_

Josh’s immodest sounds had Ken lapping deeper, rolling his tongue over and over around the ring of muscle, and Josh is swiveling his hips at the same pace, grinding his ass raunchily against Ken’s masterful tongue, sipping and swallowing the flood of Ken’s own cum that he filled Josh with when they fucked just a little bit earlier.

Ken was merrily basking in the stench of Josh’s sweat and cum trickling down the smoothness of his legs. He could distinctly make out every little moan and pant and whimper Josh makes and it makes him proud, knowing Ken is capable of making his boyfriend feel this way.

Ken starts pursing his lips and hollowing his cheeks, sucks on his rim harder, feeling Josh’s fragile body vehemently shaking above him, and the sudden tightening of his grip around his hair makes Ken even hornier.

_“Oh! Oh shit, Ken, I’m gonna—,I’m gonna…”_

Josh didn’t have the chance to complete his words when he was caught unprepared by the intensity of his release, his vision going gray and white and muscles turning rigid as he rides out his orgasm, shaking like a leaf in the storm. He screams, he fucking screams his lungs out as Ken continues to eat him through it all, tears pooling in his eyes from sensitivity.

_“We’re not done yet,”_ Ken speaks low upon the sight of Josh collapsing onto the wooden floor, thawing into a feeble mess of skin and limbs.

The older obediently follows, albeit weak, and automatically bends on his hands and knees. Ken has always loved fucking him from behind. But Josh squeals when Ken hoists his shoulders up, letting Josh stand on his reddened knees, his back pressed against Ken’s chest.

_“Keep your eyes on the mirror, pretty. I want you to look at yourself while I fuck you so good.”_

Josh only whimpers as a response but complies, locking his gaze on the mirror, seeing himself once again in all his naked glory amidst a pool of his own cum.

Ken places his hand behind Josh’s right knee and raises his leg high, stretching his hole up a bit more. Josh sees Ken’s reflection, makes out the fleeting smirk curving on his boyfriend’s lips before he had Josh crying out again when Ken thrusts his lubricated cock in without much of a warning, burying himself to the hilt and god, Ken is so big that Josh still can’t get it inside his head. He’s completely overwhelmed and dazed.

_“Shit, so big, Ken! I—, gods, too much, too much…”_

_“Relax baby, just breathe. You’re doing well. Gonna fill you up again, gonna make you feel so good.”_

Ken starts moving, trying to go slow and gentle for a full minute before he was already pulling out and slamming back in; Josh shivering with every heavy thrust that meets his hole. The room is all but brimming with the wet noise of Ken’s cock pounding mercilessly into Josh, together with Ken’s hard grunts and Josh’s string of _fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Josh lays his head back against Ken’s broad shoulder, his arms uselessly hanging on his sides, fingers twitching; wanting to search for something to hold on to but there was nothing. He can only let Ken’s control slip away into the void, fucking him senseless into the cramped wet heat of Josh’s body, eliciting another loud cry from the older when Ken hits his prostate.

Ken is going to cum, Josh can feel it. He was nearing his climax when his thrusts become harder, faster, tepid breaths swirling in the air mixed in their moans and the goosebumps embedded on their skins.

_“I’m going to cum baby,”_ Ken pants, reaching down Josh’s weeping hard cock and pumps him in perfect time with his own thrusts. _“Cum with me.”_

Ken comes just a few seconds before Josh, both moaning deep as their bodies contort and nails raked against each other’s sensitive flesh as the younger pushed his cock all the way in one last time, milking himself completely against Josh’s tight hole.

Finally, exhaustion washes the both of them ashore and Ken could only lazily pull himself out of Josh. They lay spooning each other on the wooden floor for some time, catching their breaths, muscles giving out entirely. They try their best to fight off the sleep lidding on their eyes, contemplating whether or not to put something on to cover themselves with, but they fail as they found themselves snoring after a couple of minutes.

Good thing Josh was able to set his alarm right before their filthy little escapade at the studio that night and they had barely half an hour to clean everything off and get dressed before Sejun was already entering the studio, shaking his head.

Josh and Ken just looked at each other and kissed, a little more affectionate and chaste than they can imagine. They pulled apart with a mild blush tainting their cheeks like they didn’t just fuck themselves into oblivion.

Josh smiles fondly at Ken and thinks how being with Ken in the last five months had done nothing but kept him alive and dreaming. Josh sweeps a stray clump of hair from Ken’s forehead and tucks it behind his ear.

_“I love you, Ken.”_

The main dancer smiles and squishes him into a tight hug. _“I love you too Josh.”_

_“Let’s do that again, hmm?”_ Josh teases and Ken’s eyes widen in excitement.

They laugh timidly, remembering the night before and all those nights they spent, where they are drowning in so much love that all it takes for them was one wink from the other and it turns them on, and how Ken would always cuddle him warm and call him baby and clean him dry.

Josh knows, and will always know, that Ken is there to take care of him, kiss him while taking him down on his knees, let him do whatever he pleased, and he would never want it any other way.

♡


End file.
